I logged into Twitter while listening to this song…and this is the first post I saw IN ALL CAPS !
It’s Thursday, the day after July 4. I’m exhausted. But my mind is now on, it’s running, and it’s too early for me to sleep. A glass of white wine sits beside my left hand, my phone vibrating with the occasional text message or email. It’s distracting, and I’m easily distracted. The sounds of the television show my roommate, Jesse, is watching are far off in the distance, audible enough that I believe he’s watching Star Trek, inaccessible enough to not really know what’s going on. This is a text; we’ll see how it goes. Telling the world my feelings & letting myself be vulnerable could be a detriment, but might connect me more with myself, and to others with whom I’m already somewhat connected. People do have feelings, although we tend to hide them, or at least most of the people I surround myself seem to.
I recently ended a near three-year relationship. Would have been three years, off and on, in early August, maybe about 18 months of being serious. I tend to distract myself from these things with alcohol and drugs, and being social, or at least forcing myself to be. Oh, and shopping. Lots of shopping. It’s fun, a lot of fun - don’t get me wrong - but 6am bedtimes serve very little purpose after 2 or 3am. And while still on the younger side, my body can’t always handle the abuse it once did. Maybe I’m lying and feel the same I did six or seven years ago, but my memory isn’t good enough to know the difference.
So, as I was saying, being in a state of flux, I’m trying to work on things outside of social situations that will allow me to be happy, or as some would say, enjoy life. Writing is one of them, exercise would seem to be another. Strengthening existing relationships & avoiding doing things that I don’t really enjoy are others. Oh, and avoiding the internet, and listening to records all the way through. Records are an art, singles are for attention. This post feels so Live Journal.